Facial Feminization Surgery Techniques

Here are a lot of surgical techniques available to feminise a masculine face but not all surgeons use the same techniques to achieve the same results. Here is a rough overview of the main procedures.

Hairline

There are two options for reshaping and bringing forward masculine hairlines.

1: Scalp advance

In a scalp advance an incision is made along the hairline. A section of forehead skin is then removed from in front of the incision and the scalp is lifted and pulled forward to fill the gap. There is a limit to how far the scalp can be moved in one go and two or more separate advances several months apart may be required to achieve the desired result. There is always a visible scar from a scalp advance but how visible will be partly down to luck and partly down to your own tendency to scar. Many patients feel their scar is almost invisible except to people who know what they are looking for. If the surgeon is also doing work on the brow ridge, it can all be done via the same incision.

2: Hair transplants

In a hair transplant a strip of skin is removed from the back and sides of the scalp and all the hair follicles are dissected out (each follicle contains between 1 and 4 hairs). They are then be transplanted to the areas where they are needed and can be used to fill the corners of the male “M”, to bring the hairline forward and to thicken areas where the hair has become thin. There is a limit to how densely the hair can be packed in at one time so more than one procedure may be needed to achieve the desired density.

Forehead

To access the bones of the forehead an incision can be made across the top of the scalp from ear to ear. This means that any scar will be well hidden by your hair. If you are also having a scalp advance then the forehead will be accessed via the hairline incision instead. The skin of the forehead is then pulled down to reveal the bones. The orbital rims are solid bone and can simply be shaved down. The bone over the frontal sinuses is more difficult and there are 3 main options for dealing with it. These options depend on how far the bossing protrudes, how thick the bone is and the preferred techniques of your surgeon. The amount of bossing doesn’t actually tell you how thick the sinus bones are and some people with very little bossing can have thick bone with a small sinus cavity behind it while others with very prominent bossing might have very thin bone with a large sinus cavity behind it. Some surgeons access the bones endoscopically using smaller incisions but with this technique it is only possible to shave down the bones and not to reconstruct the forehead.

Option 1: Shave

If the bones over the frontal sinuses are thick enough then the bossing can simply be shaved down to give a flatter and more female contour.

Option 2: Shave and fill

Shaving alone may not be enough to achieve the desired result especially if the bones over the sinuses are too thin to be shaved down very much. A bone-filler can be used to fill in the indented areas around the bossing like the slightly hollow area that males often have in the centre of the forehead. Some surgeons feel that the shave and fill approach is sufficient to feminise most masculine foreheads; others disagree and prefer the reconstruction approach.

Option 3: Forehead reconstruction

Forehead reconstruction is the most complex technique. The orbital rims are shaved down as before but the bone over the frontal sinuses is first removed then re-shaped before being set back in place with wires or titanium screws. This technique is very powerful and can take a severely male forehead to well within normal female ranges.

An alternative forehead reconstruction technique has been developed by a top Thai surgeon that involves shaving the bones over the sinuses thin enough so that they become flexible and then literally compressing them into the right position.

Note: You may hear foreheads and forehead feminisation procedures classified as “Type I”, “Type II” or “Type III”. These classifications are best avoided as they are not used by all surgeons and the ones that do use them define them slightly differently from each other.

Eyebrows

Eyebrows can be lifted with a “brow lift” procedure. This is done by tightening the muscles attached to the outer third of the eyebrow or lifting the skin of the entire forehead. It can be performed via the incision made for a scalp advance or brow-bossing reduction; otherwise two small incisions are made in the scalp. If a brow lift is overdone it can leave the patient with a “surprised expression.

Nose

Noses can be feminised through standard rhinoplasty techniques. If you are having forehead work you will quite possibly also need a rhinoplasty and vice versa. This is because the nose and forehead need to flow nicely into each other – basically, if you can set back your brow bossing to the ideal position without it actually sitting behind the bridge of the nose and causing a step between the 2, you might be able to have your forehead done without needing a rhinoplasty. Likewise you might be able to have a rhinoplasty without forehead work as long as the changes to the bridge of your nose are not going to cause a step between your nose and forehead. See the links page for more information on rhinoplasty.

Cheeks

Cheek bones can be enhanced either with solid implants, a bone-filler paste or by using fat from another part of the body. Solid implants are available in several shapes and can be placed over or under the cheekbone or lower down near the sides of the nose according to the needs of the patient. Bone-filler is moulded to the desired shape in situ and sets solid. Both these techniques are for enhancing the cheekbones and the Incisions for them are usually made in the gums. If the cheeks need to be fuller and more rounded you can have fat from another part of the body injected into the area. Some of this is reabsorbed and you may need a top-up a few months later. After one or two top-ups, the fat is usually permanent. See the links page for further information on cheek augmentation.

Top lip length

To shorten the distance between the nose and top lip an incision is made just under the nose. A section of skin is then removed and the gap is closed to raise the lip. Depending on the angle of the cut, this can also be used to roll the lip out a little giving it a fuller and more feminine shape. A similar technique involves making an incision along the top edge of the lip, removing a section of skin as above and then closing the gap though any scarring left along the edge of the lip can be very noticeable. There is a limit to how far a lip can be raised if it is to look natural and work properly. The whole section of skin from lip to nose can be angled back slightly if necessary.

Lip shape

There are many different types of implant that can be used to make the lips fuller. These can be natural or synthetic and may be solid or injectable. Not all of them are permanent and not all of them are removable.

Chin

The chin can be changed by shaving the bone to the desired shape or through a procedure called “sliding genioplasty”. In a sliding genioplasty the chin-bone is cut through from front to back to separate a “horseshoe” of bone. This horseshoe can be moved forwards or backwards to correct a receding or protruding chin and sometimes another section of bone is removed altogether so that when the horseshoe is reattached, the chin is shorter. The angle of the original cut also affects the final height of the chin. Implants or bone-filler paste can also be used to correct a receding chin. The incision for chin work is made in the lower gums. Liposuction can also be used under a masculine chin to help remove weight from the lower face.

Jaw

The jawbone can be reduced by bone shaving or cutting and quite a lot of bone can be cut away to round off and narrow the square corners at the back. To make the jaw even narrower the large masseter muscles that attach to the corners can be surgically reduced. Incisions for jaw work are usually made inside the mouth but are occasionally made externally under the jaw. Patients over the age of about 40 often experience some loose skin around the jaw after bone has been removed from the jaw or chin. This can be tightened up a few months after the original procedure with a lower face-lift.

Adam’s apple

The Adam’s apple can be reduced (a procedure often referred to as a tracheal or “trach” shave) but there is a limit to how much can be removed without risking permanent damage to the extremely delicate voice box. Also, the cartilage that forms the Adam’s apple tends to harden with age which may limit the amount that can be removed in an older patient. The incision for a trach shave is either made directly over the Adam’s apple or just under the chin. Trach shaves seem to carry a higher risk of complications than most other FFS procedures and should always be considered very carefully.

How to Talk to Your Bisexual Boyfriend

So you’ve just found out your boyfriend is bisexual. Now what?

Well that really depends on the matter you discovered his bisexuality. If he came out to candidly he probably needs a hug and a bit of moral support. If you caught him in bed with another guy (or a girl if you’re coming at this from the gay angle), then you probably are well within your rights to throw that Ming vase at him, call him every name under the sun and lock yourself in the bathroom crying.

Still whatever the circumstances, remember this, your boyfriend’s bisexuality is not a reflection on you. Its not caused by something you have or haven’t done, its not something you could have prevented. Its not your fault. In fact, it has nothing to do with you at all, its just the way he is. He can’t help being bisexual, and believe me at some point, most of us have tried not to be.

CASE A: Your boyfriend just came out to you as bisexual

So how do you talk to bisexual boyfriend after this bombshell?

First know that he still loves you, he probably told you this in his coming out speech, if he didn’t, he meant to. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel inadequate, he was just trying to be honest about his feelings and you were important enough to him to be the person he chose to share his secret with.

Know that he’s probably been agonising over telling you for ages, and probably tried several times and lost his nerve, frightened that you wouldn’t understand and that you’d leave him if you found out. It takes an awful lot of courage to come out as a bisexual, especially for men who find themselves already in a relationship, so its no surprise that many bisexual men don’t come out at all. Its made even harder if you or your spouse have deeply held religious convictions.

So now that you appreciate just how hard it was for your boyfriend to tell you he was bisexual, you are probably a little better equipped to deal with it and offer a supportive response. The best thing you can do right now is be accepting of his sexuality. Don’t argue with him about it, don’t call him gay (or ‘a breeder’ if you previously thought he was exclusively gay), don’t suggest its just a phase, be accepting and say something supportive. You probably have a million questions, but take a moment to make him feel good about his decision to tell you.

What does it mean for your relationship?

Well this is a question you should ask, probably after pouring each other a stiff drink. The answer is different for every couple. Your bisexual boyfriend, almost certainly won’t want things between you and him to change, but he may ask you to accept him seeing other people, which may seem like a big change for you. He won’t see it as such a big deal, because he genuinely does still love you, he just wants to sleep with people of the opposite sex to you now and again.

Equally though he may not ask anything more of you than occasionally renting a gay porno rather than a straight one, who knows perhaps you’ll enjoy watching it together? Yes there are bisexual men who don’t need relationships with both genders on the go at the same time.

The truth is each couple is different, how you deal with it and renegotiate the boundaries of your relationship is entirely unique to you and your boyfriend. But there are some basic rules you follow.

Don’t agree to anything you are uncomfortable with.
Listen and consider each request.
Avoid saying “NO WAY” to something right away, offer to consider it and return with your decision.
Keep a dialogue open and come back and discuss things further.

Any agreements you make are renegotiable. If you decide you can’t handle something you though you could deal with a few weeks ago, come back and say so. But don’t blame or resent your bisexual boyfriend for taking you at your word in the meantime.

Finally remember you are in a very special relationship. Your boyfriend loved you enough to tell you he was bisexual, he was being honest with you and being honest with himself. You share a special bond of confidence and honesty that a lot of relationships lack. This revelation is a blessing as much as a curse.

CASE B: You caught your boyfriend in bed with someone else and found out he’s bisexual

Pretty much the same as Case A, only for some reason, he didn’t have the balls to tell you. He probably wanted to, but was too scared of how you’d react. You are probably more hurt that he didn’t feel able to tell you than you are by the deception, but ten to a penny he keeping this a secret because he didn’t want to risk losing you. Now realising his mistake he’s really sorry that he’s hurt you.

Take some time, don’t talk whilst angry, but do keep channels of communication open, come back and talk about things and remember your bisexual boyfriend loves you, he always has.

Bi The Way – 2008

Gender Reassignment Surgery

Gender reassignment surgery is no longer the novelty it once was. Thousands of transsexuals, both male-to-female and female-to-male, worldwide have now undergone this procedure. But it is still true that only a small fraction of those people who consider themselves to be transgendered actually go this far. The cost is a major barrier for many people. Others find ways to accommodate their transgender feelings while continuing to live in their birth sex or in some in-between state.

Gender reassignment surgery is expensive, costing thousands or tens of thousands of dollars, depending on which procedures are undertaken. Some governments will cover the entire cost under their medicare programs. Others will cover it partially or not at all.

Surgery is irreversible. Once the original sex organs are removed and new organs constructed, there is no going back. Surgery also renders the patient sterile. Although several surgeons have speculated that it may some day be possible for post-operative transsexuals to be parents, this is not possible today.

Like any surgery, gender reassignment surgery has its dangers. But if one is in good health and follows the surgeon’s guidelines to prepare for the operation, one can expect good results. It is equally important to follow a proper routine after surgery, or much of the surgeon’s work can be undone.

Surgical techniques are constantly evolving. In the ’60s, it took a team of at least two surgeons as long as 12 hours to perform the operations. Results were superficially satisfactory, but patients were not always able to have normal sexual intercourse or experience orgasm.

Today, some surgeons perform male-to-female reassignment surgery in under three hours, with almost no blood loss. And most post-op patients report normal sexual functioning, including orgasms within three months to a year after surgery.

Life is more complicated for female-to male transsexuals. There are several techniques for constructing a new penis and each has its drawbacks. But post-op patients are generally happier now than prior to surgery and some are reporting near-normal sexual functioning.

Male to femaleAlthough each surgeon has his preferred technique, the overall procedure is similar across the board. The testes are removed, an opening is created in the correct spot for the new vagina, the inside of the penis is removed, the skin of the penis is inverted like a glove and used to line the vagina, sensitive parts of the penis are used to create a clitoris, the urethra is shortened and relocated to the appropriate place, the skin of the scrotum is used to create labia.

Some surgeons do this in a single operation. Others prefer to do it in two steps. And sometimes, if there isn’t enough penile skin, a graft is taken from elsewhere to create the vagina.

Some patients also opt for other operations to give themselves a more feminine appearance. These include: breast implants, Adam’s apple shaving, larynx adjustment to raise the voice, removal of the lower ribs to create a narrower waste, facial reconstruction, and hair implants.

Female to maleFemale-to-male patients often undergo more surgery. Typically, the first stage is removal of the breasts to create a normal male chest. This is sometimes done in several operations. The first removes the bulk of the mammary glands and most of the excess skin. The second fine-tunes the result, removing further excess skin and perhaps reducing scars left from the first stage.

The next major surgery is a hysterectomy. This removes the womb, uterus and ovaries.

The final surgery is the creation of a penis along with the relocation of the urethra to the centre of the penis. There are two distinct ways of creating a penis. One utilizes a skin graft, usually from an arm. The other involves building up the clitoris, which is usually enlarged after a patient has been taking male hormones for some time.

Preparation for surgerySurgeons always supply information sheets to patients outlining their specific requirements. In general, one must stop taking hormones about a month prior to surgery. The hormones can raise the risk of surgery. Many patients worry that going off hormones will result in their bodies reverting back to something more like their birth sex, but in fact this can’t happen in such a short time. Many patients do report mood changes, or hot and cold spells, but these are only temporary and disappear when hormones are resumed about a week after surgery.

One must also stop drinking alcohol and not use ASA or any illicit drug. These can all interfere with healing and blood flow.

All surgeons will require that you undergo a complete physical, including a blood test, a month or so prior to surgery. The surgeon will supply you with a list of tests he requires. The presence of any major health condition, such as high blood pressure, obesity, a heart condition or a communicable disease like AIDS could make a patient ineligible for surgery.

Post-surgeryIt is critical that patients follow their surgeon’s advice on post-care procedures. Healing takes a long time and unless one sticks to the routines, results can easily be less than satisfactory.

The first three to five days after surgery are usually spent in hospital. The patient is on pain killers and attached to a catheter. One can be up and walking in three days, but no strenuous activity is permitted.

After about five days, patients are more mobile and can reduce pain killers a little. For male-to-female patients, catheters come out at about a week and dilation begins. For female-to-male patients, the catheter may remain in place for several weeks, depending on which surgical technique was used.

Patients return home about ten days after surgery, but this can vary from surgeon to surgeon. Pain fades within a month and one can return to work after about two months, although some discomfort may remain for several more months.

Full healing can take six months to a year. Some patients find they have swelling or numbness that is more of an irritant than an impediment to functioning. Certainly, a year after surgery, one should feel normal and function normally.

SurgeonsThere are only a handful of surgeons worldwide offering gender reassignment surgery. I don’t recommend any one surgeon or surgical procedure. It is important to investigate any surgeon you are considering. Ideally, you should talk to former patients to get their take on the surgery. If a doctor isn’t willing to put you in touch with former patients, be wary.

Also be wary of trying to find the perfect vagina or perfect penis. Everyone is different and any given surgeon will achieve different results with each patient. Age, genes and your health will partly determine the results you get. But you should expect that you function normally after surgery and that at least superficially you look as if you were born with the new plumbing.

Check list of surgeons. The U.K., The United States and Austral-Asia and please feel free to contact them, either via their Web sites or by mail or phone. Surgeons will often send information kits if you request it. If you contact the Canadian surgeons by phone, don’t worry if one of the secretaries answers in French, they all speak English as well.

Winnipeg Transgender Group – 2006

Artists & Authors Required for LGBTQI and Food Book

A call for submissions to an upcoming book focused on LGBTQI experiences relating to food, nutrition, and bodies.

We are seeking both authors and artists to submit proposals for a book called ‘Queering Nutrition and Dietetics: LGBTQ+ Reflections on Food Through Art’. The aim of the book is to bring the voices of LGBTQI+ people front and center through either written chapters and/or art submissions. Proposals are due June 15, 2021. Topics could include: cultural aspects of food for BIPOC and trans identities, body image, influences of social media and pop culture on food, bodies, social and political food movements, building relationships through food, celebrations of LGBTQ+ lives, bodies, communities, cultures. This is not a paid commission. For more information see https://pjoy07.wixsite.com/website or contact phillip.joy@msvu.ca

Popular Contemporary Lesbian & Bisexual Poets

This page offers an biographies and references for a selection of notable lesbian and bisexual women poets publishing today.

Paula Gunn Allen – 1939 – 2008
Paula, a novelist and poet, was born to Laguna-Sioux-Lebanese parents in New Mexico. She is an activist for Native American and women’s rights, and her political concerns transmit strongly through her poetry. Her work addresses the oppression of women in general and lesbians in particular. Paula has taught English and Native American Studies at many prominent universities, and is currently a professor of Native American Studies at University of California at Berkeley.

Becky Birtha – b. 1948
Becky defines herself as a black lesbian feminist Quaker from a middle-class background. She grew up primarily in Philadelphia, where she produced two collections of short stories and The Forbidden Poems (1991), a collection of her poetry. Her work has appeared in many anthologies. In 1985 she was awarded an Individual Fellowship in Literature from the Pennsylvania Council for the Arts, and in 1988 she received a Creative Writing Fellowship in literature from the National Endowment of the Arts. She teaches English and creative writing at Bryn Mawr and Haverford College.

Elizabeth Bishop – 1911-1979
Elizabeth Bishop was known for her mastery of poetic form and her attention to descriptive details. She befriended poet Marianne Moore while at Vassar and considered her a mentor. In 1951, she won a Lucy Martin Donelly Travelling Fellowship from Bryn Mawr College (on Moore’s recommendation) and she used this to travel to Brazil. While in Brazil, she met Lota de Macedo Soares, the woman she was to stayed with for sixteen years. While with Lota, she produced a great deal of work, including A Cold Spring, a collection that contained a number of lesbian love poems.

Elizabeth was honored with many awards. Her Complete Poems won the National Book Award in 1970, and Geography III won the National Book Critics Circle Award in 1977. Elizabeth was the first woman to win the prestigious Books Abroad/Neustad Interational Prize for Literature. She taught at Harvard, University of Washington, and New York University.

She had strong feelings against anything that divided art by gender and refused to appear in all-women anthologies. Because of this, if you’re looking for her work, you’ll have the most luck searching out collections containing only her poetry, rather than looking in lesbian poetry collections.

Olga Broumas – b. 1949
Olga, a native of Greece, began her poetic career by winning the Yale series of Younger Poets award in 1977 for Beginning with O. Stanely Kunitz, judge for the 1977 award, described her work as “of letting go, of wild avowals, unabashed eroticism: at teh same time it is a work of integral imagination, steep in the light of Greek myth that is part of the poet’s heritage and imbued with an intuitive sense of dramatic conflicts and resolutions, high style, and musical form.” In 1978 she was awarded a grant from the National Endowment of the Arts. Her books include Soie Sauvage, Perpetua, and two books with T. Begley: Sappho’s Gymnasium and Helen Groves. Olga has taught at many colleges and universities; currently she is the poet-in-residence at Brandeis University.

Chrystos – b. 1946
Born off-reservation to a Menominee father and a Lithuanian/Alsace-Lorraine mother, Chrystos is a poet and a activist heavily involved supporting Native Rights and prisoners’ causes. She is self-educated as a writer and artist. Her work forthrightedly speaks on her experiences and concerns as a Native American lesbian; her work is both political and erotic. Her poetry collections include Not Vanishing, Dream On, In Her I Am, Fugutive Colors, and Fire Power. Among her many awards and honors, Chrystos received a grant from the National Endowment of the Arts in 1990, a Lannan Foundation Fellowship for poetry in 1991, and the Sappho Award from the Aestrea Foundation in 1995.

Cheryl Clarke – b. 1947
Cheryl Clarke, an African-American lesbian-feminist poet, is the directory of the Office of Diverse Community Affairs and Lesbian-Gay Concerns, Rutgers University. She has published four books of poetry: Narratives: Poems in the Tradition of Black Women, Living as a Lesbian, Humid Pitch, and experimental love (a Lambda literary award finalist).

Clare Coss – b. 1935
Clare is a playwright, poet, and psychotherapist. She is the editor of the recently published poetic anthology The Arc of Love.

Jewelle Gomez – b. 1948
Jewelle is an activist, essayist, novelist, and poet. She published Oral Tradition: poems old and new and her poetry appears in many anthologies. She lives in San Francisco where she teaches creative writing and popular culture.

Judy Grahn – b. 1940
Judy Grahn has published ten volumes of poetry (including The Queen of Swords and The Queen of Wands), is playwright, novelist, has contributed to many anthologies, and author of non-fiction. She is particularly known for her books Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words, Gay Worlds (1984) and The Highest Apple. The latter examines the work of nine major poets within a lesbian context. Judy is known for a political consciousness in her poetry, critiquing heterosexist and partriachal biases in our culture. She teaches at the California Institute of Integral Studies.

Marilyn Hacker – b. 1942
Marilyn, a teacher, poet, and editor, is the author of eight books. Her poetry collection Presentation Piece (1974) was a Lamont Poetry Selection and received the National Book Award in 1975. She received critical acclaim for Love, Death, and the Changing of the Seasons (1986) a book of sonnets that explore a lesbian relationship from inception through to end. Her talent with sonnets and sonnet sequences earn her a distinctive place among modern poets, where such forms are no longer as frequently explored. Mairlyn has received Lambda Literary Awards for Going Back to the River and Winter Numbers. She lives in New York City.

Joan Larkin – b. 1939
Joan is a poet and playwright who has been active in producing ground-breaking lesbian and gay poetic anthologies. With Elly Bulkin, she edited Amazon Poetry (the first lesbian poetic anthology) and Lesbian Poetry (1981). She co-edited Gay & Lesbian Poetry in Our Time (Lambda Literary Award winner for poetry in 1989) with Carl Morse. She has taught writing full-time since 1969. You can find Joan’s work in many anthologies, as well as in her two collections: Housework and A Long Sound.

Audre Lorde – 1934-1992
Well-known essayist and poet, Audre Lorde described herself as black, lesbian, feminist, poet, mother, and warrior. Through her writing and activism, she fought for African-American rights. Her work is lyrical and socially aware, infused with lesbian consciousness. Her writing on the topic of poetry challenges that it should not be a sterile word play, but a “revelatory distillation of experience.” She produced ten volumes of poetry, five books of prosed, received numerous awards and honors, and was the New York State Poet Laureate from 1991-1993. Audre died after fighting a 14-year battle with breast cancer.

Cherríe Moraga – b. 1952
Cherríe is a Chicana essayist, poet, and playwright. Her volume of poetry, Loving in the War Years (1983) was the first was the collection published by an openly lesbian Chicana. She founded The Kitchen Table/Women of Color Press. She also co-edited the anthology, This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color, which won the 1986 Before Columbus American Book Award. Cherríe is a part-time lecturer at the University of California, Berkeley, teaching Chicano/Chicana Studies. She lives in San Francisco.

Lesléa Newman – b. 1955
Lesléa is perhaps one of the most widely-diversified and prolific lesbian writers today. She is the author and editor of over twenty books and produces a regular column (“Out of the Closet and Nothing to Wear”). She has produced plays, children’s books (including the controversial Heather Has Two Mommies), novels, and poetry collections. Her work often addresses the unique issues faced by Jewish women, lesbians, and particularly, Jewish femme lesbians. She has also written extensively on eating disorders, body image, and incest. Lesléa’s own poetry volumes are Love Me Like You Mean It (1987) and Sweet Dark Places (1991). Her anthology The Femme Mystique includes poetry with prose, and her recent poetic anthology My Lover Is A Woman features the work of hundreds of popular and emerging lesbian poets. In 1989, Lesléa won the Massachusetts Artists Fellowship in Poetry.

Minnie Bruce Pratt – b. 1946
Minnie, born in Selma, Alabama, is the author of stories, essays, and poetry. Her poetry collections include We Say We Love Each Other and Walking Back up Depot Street. Crime Against Nature, her second book of poetry, was the Lamont Poetry Selection for 1990 and was nominated for a Pulitzer Price. Minnie teaches at George Washington University and the University of Maryland at College Park.

Adrienne Rich – b. 1929
Adrienne Rich is probably the most widely-read American lesbian poet. She is well-respected as a master of poetic craft and form. She began receiving praise early; her collection A Change of World (1952) won the Yale Younger Poets Award. She married in 1953, raised three sons, divorced her husband in 1970, and began sharing her life with her current female partner in 1976. Her poetry reflects her varied life journeys and elevated consciousness; she insists that poetry must be forceful enough to change lives, and works toward this goal. Her awards and honors would fill pages–among them she received the 1991 Common Wealth Award in Literature, the 1992 William Whitehead Award for lifetime achievement, and the Academy of American Poets’ 1992 fellowship for “distinguished poetic achievement.” Her sequence “Twenty-one Love Poems” (included in The Dream of a Common Language) has been quoted in many books and excerpted in a number of anthologies. To date, she has published twenty books of poetry and four books of prose.

Muriel Rukeyser – 1913-1980
Muriel was a poet, literary translator, and political activist who spoke out passionately on topics of social justice. She began her poetic career by receiving the Yale Younger Poets Award (1935) for Theory of Flight. She published 19 volumes of poetry and four books of prose. Two newly available books are Out of Silence: Selected Poems and A Muriel Rukeyser Reader. In 1967 she was elected to the National Institute of Arts and Letters. She did not speak openly about her sexual orientation. She had a short marriage in the forties and also had lesbian relationships. Just before she died, she indicated a desire to become more public about her lesbian identity by participating in a lesbian poetry conference, but was unable to follow through due to ill health.

May Sarton – 1912-1993
May was an active journal writer, essayist, novelist, and poet. She preferred the form of meter and rhyme to free verse. She won numerous awards and honors during her long literary career, during which she produced 54 volumes of poetry, novels, journals, essays, and children’s books. Her work was not obviously lesbian-identified until later years. Her later journals speak more openly of her relationships. She remembers her long-term relationships with Judith Matlock in her poetry book Honey in the Hive (1988). The film: May Sarton: A Self Portrait (1982) explores her life.

Anne Sexton – 1928-1974
Anne Sexton was a poet, an author of children’s books, and a lecturer. She led a troubled life during which she battled mental illness, making many suicide attempts and spending time in hospitals. Despite her struggles, she created poetry that was critically acclaimed, often seen as both gifted and disturbing. All My Pretty Ones (1964) her second volume of poetry, was nominated for a National Book Award. Live or Die (1966) won the Puliter Prize. Her work often expresses great pain, and also explores topics of women’s lives that were not as commonly written about before her publishing (issues such as abuse, abortion, menstruation, and rage). While, for a period of time, Anne had an intense friendship with another woman that may or may not have been sexual in nature, she did not identify as a lesbian. However, at least one of the poems she wrote during that time (“Song to A Lady” from Love Poems, 1967) has distinct lesbian appeal.

May Swenson – 1919-1989
May, a journalist and editor, was also a gifted and inventive poet who wrote on topics such as nature, scientific research, and eroticism. She possessed a distinctive skill for expressing sexuality through descriptions of nature, as well as for creating detailed descriptions of an environment that then led to profound observations on the human physical or spiritual condition. She published 10 collections of her own poetry and one book of translated poems (translated from Swedish, her first language). Her book Another Animal (1954) was chosen by John Wheelock as the first of his Scribner Series Poets of Today. She held the Bollingen Prize in Poetry and a John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Fellowship. She served as a Chancellor of the Academy of American Poets, as well. For a glimse of some particularly beautiful lesbian love poems, see The Love Poems of May Swenson (1991).

Protecting Gay & Lesbian Families

No issue generates more controversy or passionate debate than the battle over whether gay and lesbian families should have the same protections as other families. It’s important to look beyond the rhetoric to examine reality. Gay and lesbian families deserve and need the same rights, benefits, and responsibilities as all other families.

It is important to differentiate between a civil marriage and a religious marriage. Let us be very clear, we are fighting only for civil protections, nothing more, nothing less. We do not want to infringe on a religion’s imperative and traditions. Any religion should be able to define marriage however it wishes. Enacting civil marriage for gays and lesbians will not force the Roman Catholic Church, the Southern Baptist Convention, the Orthodox Jewish religion or any other denomination to recognize gay and lesbian relationships. Some religions undoubtedly will choose to bless and recognize these loving unions. However, i respect the importance of religious freedom and believe each church should be able to decide this issue without government interference.

Gay and lesbians will not achieve total equality until we our families have the same protections as every other family. As long as the government can discriminate against our relationships, we are not equal. Many heterosexual couples take these things for granted, but gay and lesbian families live everyday without these basic guarantees.

Here are some of the more than 1,100 rights and benefits not given to gay and lesbian families.

We do not have the right to visit a sick partner in the hospital.
We do not have the right to make medical decisions for our partners should they become incapacitated.
We do not have the right to take time off from work to deal with our partner’s personal or medial emergency.
In many countries, joint adoptions are not allowed. That means only one parent has official custody of a child. What happens to that child if their “official parent” gets sick or dies? The child’s ability to remain with their other parent becomes jeopardized.
Social security benefits are not passed from one partner to another. In a heterosexual marriage, when someone dies, the surviving spouse receives their social security benefits. Not so for gay and lesbian couples. They pay into a system that does not protect their partner if they die.
If a gay or lesbian person gets health insurance benefits from their partner’s job, they must pay income tax on those benefits. For a married couple, there is no such tax.
If a gay or lesbian person unexpectedly dies without a will, their partner has no inheritance rights.

This list could go on and on. By itself, each item might not seem like a big deal. But taken together, the list of benefits and responsibilities provide important protection for families. Failing to provide gay and lesbian families with those same guarantees is unjust and unwise—creating instability and worry for many families.

Some interesting revelations become clear when you examine the poll numbers associated with this issue. No matter what the numbers say about support or opposition to gay marriage, ask the questions more precisely and you get consistent support for fairness and equality. Should gay and lesbians have the right to visit their partner in the hospital? Should they receive a partner’s social security benefits? Should a gay couple get the same tax benefits as a married couple? Overwhelmingly, polls show answer, “Yes!” to these questions. They understand this is an issue of fairness.

In recent years, public opinion polls have demonstrated steady and increasing support to recognize and protect our families. I confident, over time, more will understand why our families need the same protections and support as their families. As more of us come out to our families and friends, people are able to put a face with an abstract issue. They ask, why shouldn’t my brother be able to marry the man he loves? Why shouldn’t my daughter be able to adopt her child? Why shouldn’t my friend be able to visit his partner in the hospital? As more see their loved ones facing discrimination, they understand the importance of providing civil marriage equality. People are promised the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That phrase loses its meaning if a person does not have a right to marry the one they love.

Nazi Persecution of Gay Men and Lesbians

Thriving gay and lesbian communities had developed in Germany from 1900 to the early 1930s. This changed when the Nazis came into power in 1933.

The Nazis declared aim was the eradication of homosexuality. During 12 years in power they implemented a broad range of persecutory measures. An estimated 50,000 gay men were sentenced and imprisoned, some of whom faced the death penalty. Up to 15,000 gay men were deported to concentration camps and made to wear the pink triangle symbol which identified them as homosexual men. Many of these Pink Triangle detainees were subjected to starvation and hard labour, castration, medical experiments and collective murder actions.

Lesbianism was not illegal in Germany, so lesbians did not suffer the same level of persecution as gay men. However, there is historical evidence of police records being collected on lesbians and of lesbians being sent to concentration camps on the grounds of their sexual orientation. They were known as Green Triangle detainees. New research shows that in Austria lesbians were criminalised and liable for prosecution and persecution.

After the war, neither the Allies nor the German or Austrian States recognised gay men or lesbians as victims alongside other groups, so they were not considered eligible for compensation. Only in 2001 was the German and Swiss Bank compensation programme extended to include gay victims.

Nazi laws against homosexuality remained in place in Germany until 1967. Unsurprisingly, very few victims of wartime persecution came forward to fight for recognition. Those that did were often further victimised.

The Eldorado was a famed destination in Berlin for lesbian…

Lesbian Fiction Books to Read!

A small selection from stock which includes a huge range of lesbian fiction of all types.

The Others – Siba Al-Harez
A best-seller in Arabic. The Others is a literary tour de force, offering a glimpse into one of the most repressive societies in the world. Siba al-Harez tells the story of a nameless teenager at a girls’ school in the heavily Shi’ite Eastern Province of Saudi Arabia. Like her classmates, she has no contact with men outside her family. When the glamorous Dai tries to seduce her, her feelings of guilt are overcome by an overwhelming desire for sexual and emotional intimacy. Dai introduces her to a secret world of lesbian parties, online flirtations and hotel liaisons – a world in which the thrill of infatuation and the shame of obsession are deeply interwined. Al-Harez’s erotic, dreamlike story of looming personal crisis is a remarkable portrait of hidden lives.

“A rare window into young, lesbian Saudi culture…The protagonist’s journey of self-discovery [has] universal appeal.” Kirkus Reviews

The True Deceiver – Tove Jansson
In the deep winter snows of a Swedish hamlet, a strange young woman fakes a break-in at the house of an elderly artist in order to persuade her that she needs companionship. But what does she hope to gain by doing this? And who ultimately is deceiving whom? In this portrayal of two women grappling with truth and lies, nothing can be taken for granted. By the time the snow thaws, both their lives will have changed irrevocably.

‘The True Deceiver glitters with the kind of sharpness that might just cut you…It is one of Jansson’s most deceptively quiet, most astonishing compositions.’ Ali Smith.

Girl Meets Boy – Ali Smith
Girl meets boy. It’s a story as old as time. But what happens when an old story meets a brand new set of circumstances? Ali Smith’s re-mix of Ovid’s most joyful myth is a story about the kind of fluidity that can’t be bottled and sold. It’s about girls and boys, girls and girls, love and transformation, a story of puns and doubles, reversals and revelations. Funny and fresh, poetic and political, here is a tale of change for the modern world.

“Girl meets boy pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Never afraid of big ideas, morality or politics, Smith’s retelling is bold and brilliant – containg the best sexI’ve read in years.” Jackie Kay

The Teahouse Fire – Ellis Avery
A spellbinding tale of love and turmoil in nineteenth century Japan. When Aurelia flees the fire that kills her missionary uncle and leaves her an orphan, she knows but a few words of Japanese. She hides in a teahouse and is adopted by the family who own it: gradually falling in love with both the tea ceremony and with her young mistress, Yukako. As she grows up, Aurelia remains devoted to the family through its failing fortunes and to Yukako, although her love will never be reciprocated. As civil war and western intervention change Japan and tensions in the house gradually mount, Aurelia begins to realise that, to the world around her, she will never be anything but an outsider.

Disobedience – Naomi Alderman
Ronit has left London and transformed her life. She has become a cigarette-smoking, wisecracking, New York career woman, who is in love with a maried man. But when Ronit’s father dies she is called back into the very difficult world of her childhood, a world she thought she had left far behind. The orthodox Jewish suburb of Hendon, north London is outraged by Ronit and her provocative ways. But Ronit is shocked too by the confrontation with her past. And when she meets up with her childhood girlfriend Esti, she is forced to think again about what she has left behind. As read on Radio 4. Winner of the Orange Award for New Writers 2006.

‘Rich, fresh, fascinating. A wonderful novel.’ Sunday Times

Wish I was Here – Jackie Kay
This fierce, funny and compassionate collection of stories explores every facet of that most overwhelming and complicated of human emotions: love. With winning directness, Jackie Kay captures her characters’ greatest joy and greatest vulnerability, exposing the moments of tenderness, of shock, of bravery and of stupidity that accompany the search for love, the discovery of love and, most of all, love’s loss.

“So immediately engaging that it reads as though she is speaking to you at a bus stop.” Irish Times

Behind the Pine Curtain – Gerri Hill
Ostracized from her hometown and banished from her family at the age of seventeen because she is gay, Jaqueline Keys hitch-hikes to Los Angeles and work nights to put herself through college. Now fifteen years later – long after she’s written her first best-selling book No Place For Family- Jackie is persuaded to return to the tiny town of Pine Springs after her father’s death. The quick trip she’d envisioned turns into weeks as she learns that her father’s business is suddenly hers to manage. And soon she is face-to-face with Kay, the woman who had been Jackie’s very first crush all those years ago. It doesn’t take long for them to fall back into their old habits, and soon Jackie is fighting off the same feelings she had struggled with as a teen. Gerri Hill is the best-selling author of Artist’s Dream, Dawn of Change, Gulf Breeze, Hunter’s Way, The Killing Room and Sierra City.

Wild Dogs – Helen Humphreys
Every evening, Alice and five others gather at the forest’s edge, trying to call back their dogs, abandoned by others in their lives. Becoming more involved in the group, Alice moves to a cabin owned by Malcolm, whose motives in having her there are suspicious. As she falls for the wildlife biologist whose wolf has gained lead of the pack, she feels the tug between love’s wild power and her desire to domesticate it. After a tragic accident, all must rethink thier lives and find their places in an untamed world. Wild Dogs is the co-winner of the 2005 Lambda Literary Award for Fiction.

“A sensual, romantic, and brutally wise novel that will leave readers gasping. Every senstence Humphreys writes is a blow to the heart.” Emma Donoghue, author of Life Mask.

Sleep With Me – Joanna Briscoe
Richard and Lelia’s child is conceived in a moment of giggling chaos as they dress for a Christmas party. They arrive rudely late and still glowing, and barely register a slight, drab woman in the hall. Sylvie. As their baby grows, so does the presence of Sylvie – she seems to be nowhere, yet everywhere, harmless yet sinister. Richard is seduced by her subtle, inexplicable charm, while Lelia, struggling with Richard’s sudden ambivalence towards their baby, finds that she is haunted by painful memories. And Sylvie remains as invisible as she wants to be – that is the source of her power.

“Elegiac, beautiful, evocative…Sleep With Me works in much the same way as an obsession…you may wish to escape, but have already become addicted.” Anita Sethi, Daily Telegraph.

The Iron Girl – Ellen Hart
After years spent mourning the death of her partner, Christine Kane, Minneapolis restaurateur Jane Lawless thinks she’s ready to move on. That is, until she finds a gun amoung Christine’s belongings. The night before Christine died of cancer, three members of the Simoneau family, Christine’s real estate clients, were murdered. The timing of their deaths appeared coincidental and Jane always assumed Christine knew nothing about the family’s secrets. But as she searches for clues to understand what really happened, the gun and a few other discoveries begin to convince Jane otherwise. Where past and present collide, Ellen Hart’s latest mystery in this Lambda and Minnesota Book Award winning series proves that she remains one of the genre’s greatest.

Idaho Code – Joan Opyr
Burned by love gone wrong, Bil leaves college in Seattle and returns to Cowslip, Idaho, population 23,000. It ought to be the perfect place to lick her wounds but unfortunately Bil’s terminally ill brother has embarked on a petty crime spree, Cowslip has become ground zero in the battle over an anti-gay initiative and it looks as if Bil’s mother might have been involved in a long ago murder. This is where family therapy comes with a shovel and an alibi.

Alchemy – Maureen Duffy
A compelling mystery combining the witch trials of the past with a contemporary case of academic intrigue. Solicitor Jade Green’s life takes a turn for the bizarre when she accepts an unusual case – that of a university professor accused of Satanism. As Jade delves into the strange circumstances of his dismissal, she finds herself drawn into a seventeenth-century manuscript, the original of which has been stolen from the Professor’s briefcase at the university. It is the diary of Amyntas Boston, a young woman awaiting trial for dabbling in the black arts. The two stories intertwine as Jade fells mysterious echoes of the trial in her own life, and resonances of Amyntas’ experience four hundred years before. Well written and a popular favourite.

‘A novel that bristles with ideas.’Sunday Times

Deftly handeld the movement between two worlds, four centuries apart. Her range of cultural reference is dazzling.’Literary Review.

Night Call – Radclyffe
All medevac helicopter pilot Jett McNally wants to do is fly and forget about the horror and heartbreak she left behind in the Middle East, but anesthesiologist Tristan Holmes has other plans. When Jett comes home from the war in the Middle East, flying and the adrenaline rush of crisis are the only things that make her happy, and she volunteers to fly night call where all the action is whenever she can. So maybe once in a while she takes a few chances. Hey, that’s life, right? Dr. Tristan Holmes is an expert at two things – high-risk anesthesia and pleasing women. Tristan gave up expecting anything other than a good time from the women in her life a long time ago, and casual relationships are the perfect prescription for stress release. She doesn’t do relationships, so she can’t quite understand why it bothers her when Jett makes it clear she doesn’t want one. High-stakes medical drama, life on the edge, and love in the fast lane.

Radclyffe’s excellent and gripping novels can prove very hard to get hold of, so that’s why Gay’s the Word import and stocks her whole back catalogue.

Radclyffe, author of over thirty novels, is the recipient of the 2004 Alice B. Award for a career “distinguished by consistently well-written, realistic, and inspirational novels.”

Babyji – Abha Dawesar
Sexy, surprising, and subversively wise, Babyji is the story of Anamika Sharma, a spirited student growing up in Delhi. At school she is an ace at quantum physiscs. At home she sneaks off to her parent’s scooter garage to read the Kamasutra. Before long she has seduced an elegant older divorcee and the family servant and has caught the eye of a classmate coveted by all the boys. With the world of adulthood dancing before her, Anamika confronts questions that would test someone twice her age. Ebullient, unfettered, and introducing one of the most charming heroines in contemporary fiction, Babyji is irresistible.

“I loved Babyji. It’s a cunning lithe defiant sexy tiger’s roar of a book.” Ali Smith, author of Hotel World.

EverAfter – Sandra Freeman
Ever After is a historical lesbian novel about love’s ferocity, secrets and joys. A sequel to the intelligent and gratifying The Other Side, set in Paris following W.W.I, we re-encounter Charlie (aka Charlotte) and Anna as they deal with fidelity, desire and sex between women; a subject not ripe for discussion in ‘polite society’. The war may be over but life for these women proves far from peaceful.

Lost Daughters – J.M. Redmann
The eagerly awaitied fourth Micky Knight mystery. Micky is the fearless, fast-moving New Orleans private dick with a difference. She’s on two cases: a widowed mother is searching for her estranged daughter, and an adopted young drag queen, who was thrown out of his home for being queer, searches for his mother. This all leads Micky to the question of her own mother, who split when she was five. In this latest adventure Micky is still a deliciously complicated and contradictory character. An absorbing and gratifying read.

The Dawn of Change – Gerri Hill
Susan Sterling wanted nothing more than to escape her life…and her marriage. The family’s secluded cabin in King’s Canyon National Park seemed the only place for her to find peace. But it took Shawn Weber coming into her life for her to find the courage to make changes. The budding friendship between the two women strenghtens into an intense emotional bond, a bond that soon eclipses friendship. Despite pressure from her family to reconcile with her husband, Susan can’t deny the feelings that Shawn stirs within her. But will Susan forsake her entire family for a chance of love with Shawn? Intensely engrossing and deliciously readable.

Fun Home, A Family Tragicomic – Alison Bechdel
A fresh and brilliantly told comic-book memoir from a cult favourite, marked by gothic twists, a family funeral home, sexual angst, and great books. Meet Alison’s father, a third-generation funeral home director, a high school teacher, an icily distant parent, and a closeted homosexual who, as it turns out, is involved with his male students and a family babysitter. Through narrative that is heartbreaking and fiercely funny, we are drawn into a daughter’s complex yearning for her father. When Alison comes out as gay herself in late adolescence, the denouement is swift, graphic – and redemptive. Bechdel is the hugely insightful and talented author of the ever-popular Dykes to Watch Out For series.

The list was compiled from Gay’s The Word Lesbian & Gay Bookshop.
Gay’s The Word is the UK’s pioneering first lesbian and gay bookshop. Established in 1979 and had located in the historic Bloomsbury district of London.

Gay Fiction Books to Read!

A small selection from stock which includes a huge range of gay fiction of all types.

Man’s World – Rupert Smith
London today: a world of sex and drugs and designer clothes, where Robert searches for fulfillment in gay clubs. London 50 years ago: Michael enters a secret queer underworld, negotiating the dangers of the law and the closet. Past and present collide when Robert moves into a new block of flats, and discovers that history is alive and kicking in his doorstep. Robert keeps a blog – a chronicle of the contemporary gay experience that would have been unthinkable 50 years ago. Michael kept a diary – a secret record of his experiences that could have landed him and his friends and lovers in prison. Two parallel narratives – two generations – two worlds that barely recognise each other. But do Robert and Michael have more in common than they think? “Man’s World” is a funny, sexy and moving story about how much the world has changed – and how little.

‘Funny, dirty, deeply romantic, Man’s World is a wonderfully evocative novel that hurtles between now and our recent history in a wild and emotional waltzer ride’ – Jake Arnott

Children of the Sun – Max Schaefer
1970: Fourteen year old Tony becomes seduced by the skinhead movement, sucked into a world of brutal racist violence and bizarre ritual. It’s a milieu in which he must hide his homosexuality, in which every encounter is potentially explosively risky. 2003: James is a young TV researcher, living with his boyfriend. At a loose end, he begins to research the far right in Britain, and its secret gay membership. He becomes particularly fascinated by Nicky Crane, the leader of the movement who came out as gay before dying of AIDs in 1993. The two narrative threads of this extraordinarily assured and ambitious first novel follow Tony through the seventies, eighties and nineties, as the skinhead movement splinters and weakens, and James through a year in which he becomes dangerously immersed in his research. James starts to make contact with individuals on far right websites. He starts receiving threatening phone calls. And then the lives of these two very different heroes unforgettably intersect.

London Triptych – Jonathan Kemp
Three men, three lives and three eras sinuously entwine in a dark, startling and unsettling narrative of sex, exploitation and dependence set against London’s strangely constant gay underworld.

Jack Rose begins his apprenticeship as a rent boy with Alfred Taylor in the 1890s, and finds a life of pleasure and excess leads him to new friendships — most notably with the soon-to-be infamous Oscar Wilde. A century later, David tells his own tale of unashamed decadence while waiting to be released from prison, addressing his story to the lover who betrayed him. Where their paths cross, in the politically sensitive 1950s, the artist Colin Read tentatively explores his sexuality as he draws in preparation for his most ambitious painting yet – ‘London Triptych’.

Rent boys, aristocrats, artists and felons populate this bold début as Jonathan Kemp skilfully interweaves the lives and loves of three very different men across the decades.

‘Astonishingly textured prose and wonderfully defined narrative voices…I recognised the characters immediately and wanted to follow them.’ -Joanne Harris

Call Me By Your Name – Andre Aciman
‘Call Me By Your Name is a beautiful and wise book, written with both lightness and concentrated care for the precise truth of every moment in its drama…it has always been clear from Aciman’s non-fiction that he would write a wonderful book, but this is a miracle.’ Colm Toibin

Set during a restless summer on the Italian Riviera, Call Me By Your Name tell the story of a sudden and powerful romance that blooms between seventeen year old Elio and his father’s house guest Oliver. Currents of obsession and fear, fascination and desire threaten to overwhelm the lovers, who at first feign indifference to the charge between them. A romance barely six weeks’ duration will prove to be an experience that will mark them both for a lifetime. For what the two discover on the Riviera and during a sultry evening in Rome is the one thing they both already fear they may never truely find again: toial intimacy. An amazing novel and highly recommended.

Metro – Alasdair Duncan
Metro ayrıcalıklı ve ateşli Avustralyalı üniversite sporcusu Liam Kelly’nin hikayesidir. Kızlar onu istiyor, erkekler de onun olmak istiyor. Ama kız arkadaşı Avrupa turunda altı aylık bir yolculuğa çıktığında Liam, onun erkeklerin istediğine ve Liam’ın ne elde etmesini istediğine karar verir… ama yeni gizli hayatı için ne kadar riske girmeye hazır? Metro, kentsel gençlik kültürünü özgünlük ve içgörü ile keşfeden yeni, etkili ve seksi bir roman. Hem modern bir hiciv hem de ahlak hikayesi, sınıflandırmaya direnen ve onun için daha güçlü olan bir kitap.

A The Enemy of the Good – Michael Arditti
The Granvilles are an extraordinary family. Edwin is a retired bishop who has lost his faith. Marta, a child of the Warsaw Ghetto, is a controversial anthropologist. Their son, Clement, is a celebrated gay painter traumatised by the death of his twin. Their daughter, Susannah, is a music publicist recovering from an affair with a convicted murderer. Over three remarkable years, the family goes through a sequence of events that causes it to reassess its deepest values and closest relationships. Clement’s work and reputation are violently attacked and his private life exposed. Susannah’s exploration of the Kabbalah takes her into the closed world of Chassidic Jews and a seemingly impossible love. Edwin’s illness forces Marta to confront the horrors of the past. Each must find a way to escape the abyss. Michael Arditti is also the author of Easter, The Celibate and Good Clean Fun.

I Must Confess – Rupert Smith
I Must Confess is the fictional autobiography of Marc LeJeune and his remarkable but chequered show-biz career. Hapless and heart-warmingly pretentious, Marc is a star who knows that real talent comes at a price. Petty jealousies and envious detractors, it would seem, always shadow the truly gifted. This is a sophisticated and wildly entertaining satire of pop-culture history.

Finding initial fame as ‘The Regular Guy’ in a laxative-product advert and later notoriety as the star of certain ‘artistic’ films, Marc sometimes suffers for his art and for taking his talents a little too seriously. Indeed, at times it would seem his inflated ego is ready to pop. Every page of his fabulous odyssey makes you smile. I Must Confess provides a catharsis for the drama queen in all of us. Engaging, moving and hilarious, I Must Confess is an outstandingly entertaining read.

The Indian Clerk – David Leavitt
The extraordinary true story of the discovery of one of the greatest mathematicians.

On a January morning in 1913, G. H. Hardy – eccentric, charismatic and, at thirty-seven, already considered the greatest British mathematician of his age – receives a mysterious envelope covered with Indian stamps. Inside he finds a rambling letter from a self-professed mathematical genius who claims to be on the brink of solving the most important unsolved mathematical problem of his time. Some of his Cambridge colleagues dismiss the letter as a hoax, but Hardy becomes convinced that the Indian clerk who has written it – Srinivasa Ramanujan – deserves to be taken seriously.

Aided by his collaborator, Littlewood, and a young don named Neville who is about to depart for Madras with his wife, Alice, he determines to learn more about the mysterious Ramanujan and, if possible, persuade him to come to Cambridge. It is a decision that will profoundly affect not only his own life, and that of his friends, but the entire history of mathematics.

Based on the remarkable true story of the strange and ultimately tragic relationship between an esteemed British mathematician and an unknown – and unschooled – mathematical genius, and populated with such luminaries as D. H. Lawrence, Bertrand Russell, and Ludwig Wittgenstein, The Indian Clerk fashions from this fascinating period an exquisitely nuanced and utterly compelling story about the fragility of human connection and our need to find order in the world.

Nights Beneath the Nation – Denis Kehoe
Sixty-seven-year-old Daniel Ryan returns to Dublin after fleeing to New York decades earlier, following the end of his love affair with Anthony. His return to the city is a reluctant but necessary journey to exorcise the ghosts of his past. Homosexuality in 1950s Ireland was a furtive, dangerous pursuit. Daniel and Anthony’s relationship was conducted amid the relative security of their bohemian theatre group, run by Maeve, a glamorous woman without much regard for social norms or concern for her reputation among the chattering classes. Cut to the 1990s and not much has changed – liaisons are still conducted in alleyways and seedy saunas. In an effort to escape attention on his return, Daniel tells people he is American, but a promiscuous young man embroils him in a cat and mouse game which threatens to expose his buried history.

Wings – Mikhail Kuzmin
New to St Petersburg, young, naive Vanya Smurov finds a mentor in the enigmatic and intellectual Larion Stroop, who initiates him into a fascinating sphere of art and beauty. As Vanya is drawn into Stroop’s world of aesthetic sensuality, he also becomes aware that Stroop is a frequenter of bathhouses: a homosexual. Disturbed by this revelation, Vanya abandons Stroop and moves to the Volga countryside in search of a more traditional existence. Yet he soon finds that the alternatives offered there are equally unsettling, leading him to question his initial reaction to Stroop’s hedonistic lifestyle. Published in a new translation, Wings was the first Russian novel to focus on homosexuality. Greeted with outrage when it appeared in 1906, this unjustly neglected work is a groundbreaking and sensitive study of a young man’s struggle to come to terms with his identity.

This Breathing World – Jose Luis de Juan
Traslated from the Spanish original, these are two stoires placed in front of each other like mirrors. The first is set in first-century Rome and relates the rise and fall of Mazuf, a homosexual Syrian scribe who becomes a renowned man of letters and a murderer. The second is a confession by a present-day American named Laurence; it seems to be simply a record of his sexual exploits during his student days at Harvard, but we xoon find out there is much more to his tale than first appears. Laurence, a disaffected and sophisticated narator, is a murderer too. But what is the connection between the two men? Is the key an old copy of Edward Gibbon’s Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire? And can stories change, not only the future, but more compellingly, the past? In a playfully unsettling and wonderfully sensual novel, prize-winning author Jose Luis de Juan explores the secret history of desire and the dark desire to make history.

The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second – Drew Ferguson
Being Charles James Stewart (AKA Charlie the Second) means never “fitting in.” Tall, gangly and big-eared, he could be the poster boy for teenage geeks. An embarrassment to his parents (he’s not to crazy about them, either), Charlie is a virtual untouchable at his school, where humiliation is practically an extra curricular activity. Charlie has tried to fit in, but all of his efforts fall on a glorious, monumental scale. He plays soccer–mainly to escape his home life–but isn’t accepted by his teammates who basically ignore him on the field. He still confuses the accelerator with the brake pedal and has failed his driving exam six times. He can’t work on his college application essay without writing a searing tell-all. But what’s freaking Charlie out the most is that while his hormones are raging and his peers are pairing off, he remains alone with his fantasies.

But all of this is about to change when a new guy at school begins to liven things up on the soccer team–and in Charlie’s life. For the first time in his seventeen years, Charlie will learn how it feels to be a star, at least off the field. But Charlie discovers that even cool guys have problems as he embarks on an unforgettable, risk-filled journey from which there is no turning back….

Between Men 2 Original Fiction by Today’s Best Gay Writers Anthology
‘Between Men 2’ features nineteen diverse and unexpected stories that are erotic, beguiling, provoking and ground-breaking:

In the collection Alan Hollinghurst offers the ‘Highlights’ of a doomed romantic break in Rome. Andrew Holleran surveys how the internet makes, and breaks, gay passion. Mark Merlis takes us back to the sometimes-not-too-pretty 1960s. Ethan Mordden invites us into Bud’s world, among the savvy gay Manhattanites of his acclaimed ‘Buddies’ stories. Randall Kenan introduces the tall striking Brazilian everybody wants; Aaron Hamburger, the Ukrainian mother no gay son wants.

The quality writing continues with everything from Kevin Killian’s star-gazing ‘Yellow Sands’ to Douglas A. Martin’s account of sexual intrigue on campus, ‘Academic Boyfriend Material,’ and from Tennessee Jones’s mean, forgotten America in ‘Down at Texas Beach,’ Patrick Gale’s trip through the charms of rural England in ‘Hushed Casket’ and Eric Karl Anderson’s ‘Breathe.’

His Master’s Lover – Nick Heddle
His Master’s Lover is a tribute to all those forgotten gay men who fought in the First World War – not only those who died, but also the walking wounded, the shell-shocked and the survivors. In 1919, handsome and gay 22-year old Freddy returns to England from the trenches of the Somme with his Victoria Cross expecting to find Prime Minister Lloyd George’s land fit for heroes. This is his story.

Blue Sky Adam – Anthony McDonald
The long awaited sequel to the bestselling novel Adam. At 22 Adam learns that he has come into some property: a vineyard in southern France. Leaving old loves and friends behind he moves, only to find himself somewhat isolated. Stephane, Adam’s sexy new neighbour comes to his rescue, and is soon giving Adam much more than advise on managing his vineyard…When Adam’s teenage lover reappears on the scene, Adam must decide exactly what, and who, he really wants.

Eternal queer questions are explored with astute insight – and bracing erotic interludes – in McDonald’s stellar, thoughtful sequel.’ Richard Labonte

Straightening Alki – Amjeed Kabil
For Ali Mirza, a young British born Pakistani man, life takes a sudden dramatic turn when his family arranges for him to get married even though he has told them he is gay. How will he survive his wedding night when he’s not even turned on by his new bride, whom he has only met once for five minutes? Sajda, his wife, claims she is in love with him, but she does not even know him. For Ali, this is the tip of the iceberg as his boyfriend has moved to France and is hesitant to support Ali. Ali is torn between running away to join the love of his life, or staying to live the life his family has arranged for him. If he does run, will they find him and force him to be straight? Will he ever reunite with his lover? Ali must decide what is best for him and does in a matter of days. Straightening Ali is a riveting story about family ties, conflicting cultures and the basic dynamics of human relationships.

Grief – Andrew Holleran
Newly out in paperback this is the winner of the 2007 Stonewall Award for Literature from the author of Dancer From the Dance. Reeling from the recent death of his invalid mother, an exhausted, lonely professor goes to Washington to escape. What he finds there – in his handsome, solitary landlord; in the city’s sombre mood and sepulchral architecture; and the strange and impassioned letters and journals of Mary Todd Lincoln – shows him unexpected truths about America and loss. As he seeks to engage with the living world around him he comes to realise that his relationship to his grief is very different than he had thought. A masterwork from a writer beloved for his depth of feeling, humour, the elegance of his prose, and his unflinching honesty.

Skin Lane – Neil Bartlett
At forty-seven, Mr. F’s working life on London’s Skin Lane is one governed by calm, precision and routine. So when he starts to have frightening, recurring nightmares, he does his best to ignore them. The images that appear in his dreams are disturbing – Mr. F can’t for the life of him think where they have come from. After all, he’s a perfectly ordinary middle-aged man. As London’s crooked backstreets negin to swelter in the long, hot summer of 1967, Mr. F’s nightmare becomes an obsession. A chance encounter adds a face to the body that nightly haunts him, and the torments of his sweat-drenched nights lead him – and the reader – deeper into a labyrinth of rage, desire and shame.

Telling Your Family That You’re Gay

Before you think about how to come out to your family, what’s most important is that you feel a sense of acceptance in yourself about your sexual orientation and/or gender identity and your reasons for coming out. As you begin to acknowledge to yourself that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans, it is very common to experience guilt, shame, doubt and confusion.

The effects of a lifetime of negative social messages, discrimination and, for some, violence cannot be erased overnight. This can be a difficult time and it can be helpful to talk to a counsellor or friend to help prepare you emotionally to come out. Involvement in a local coming out group may also help you with your own process.

Even in a climate where the LGBTI community has begun to fight back and demand rights, recognition and protection under the law, social attitudes and belief systems continue to discriminate. Although social attitudes such as homophobia and transphobia affect all of us, many members of the LGBTI community confront other forms of discrimination as well, such as racism, ageism, sexism, etc. All or some of these social attitudes may influence your coming out experience.

Although homophobia and transphobia exist in all cultures, the degree of acceptance of LGBTI identities varies across cultural and religious communities. For some of us, the loss of family and/or membership in our cultural community, silence, hostility or even violence are very real consequences to coming out. If this is your reality, you need to realistically assess the risks involved. If you decide to come out, but are concerned about your family’s reaction, you should work with a counsellor or friend to develop a plan that will ensure your safety.

Family reactions

As you begin to feel the first inklings of pride and entitlement to be who you are, you can’t help feeling that family, friends and the rest of the heterosexual world will see you as different. One of the things we know is that prejudice and discrimination do change over time and it is usually exposure to that which is different that helps to change negative attitudes. When it comes to family members and in particular parents finding out they have a LGBTI child, it is those historically negative ideas about homosexuality that first concern them.

Some thoughts that cross many parents’ minds include:

“If being gay is sick, perverted and unnatural, and my child says they’re gay, I must have been a bad parent.”

“Lesbians are treated badly in employment and housing situations and lead isolated lonely lives outside the mainstream. I don’t want my child to suffer.”

“Being trans is seen as sick and perverted by many people. How will other family, friends and work mates see me if my child is trans?”

Dealing with cultural issues

If you have strong ties to a particular cultural community, your parents may be concerned with how your coming out will be perceived by the community and how it will affect their position within it. Many individuals report that cultural values, such as not talking about or displaying emotions, get in the way of them sharing their sexual orientation or gender identity with their parents. In many cultural communities, being LGBTI is considered to be a North American problem, thus the preferred response to your coming out may be to deny your reality and to become more strict about having you conform to cultural norms and expectations. Coming out may also feel like you need to choose between your cultural identity and your sexual orientation. This is even more difficult when you experience the LGBTI community as being insensitive to your cultural identity. There are groups and associations for LGBTI individuals from specific cultural communities. They can help you find culturally appropriate information, images and supports for you and your family.

If you are coming out as trans

Although years of activism have improved the lives of many members of the LGBTI community, trans individuals are still the focus of much discrimination and violence. If you are coming out to your parents as trans, you may face challenges relating to the lack of information and positive images that are available regarding trans folks, particularly individuals from specific cultural communities. The lack of information available about trans people and their experiences is directly related to the confusion and hostility that many parents may feel when their child comes out as trans. Trans identities also lead to confusion regarding the issue of sexual orientation, so your parents may wonder whether your new gender identity also means that you are gay or lesbian. Transphobia can combine with homophobia to make coming out a very challenging and anxiety-provoking experience.

Consult the list of resources on this website for books and articles that can help you come out to your parents, as well as the list of links that we have provided for trans positive services and web sites.

Most parents want the best for their children and if they know that what’s best is to be true to yourself and live who you are, they will gradually come to accept, not only that they have a gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans child and that it wasn’t their fault, but that their child will live a fulfilling life.

Before you tell your family

Before you tell them, you need personal time to come to terms with your new self-understanding. It’s also helpful to have support from others who have gone through this process. Keep in mind there is likely at least one other gay, lesbian or bisexual person in your family tree, either from previous generations or who is currently alive. One of the fun aspects of coming out to yourself is going over your family tree and identifying those who may have been LGBTI. This is often not the case for trans folks as they are still fighting for the right to live out and proud.

With your new awareness you may discover there were clues all along that you didn’t recognize because of secrecy and shame. We often hear from individuals, struggling with coming out to their family, that they fear the news will “kill” their parents. Although it may be difficult in the beginning and your parents and family may initially reject you , most, particularly those who had a good relationship with their children, accept the news over time.

Many people who’ve come out also find that their relationship with their parents eventually improves because of the increased openness and honesty that comes with sharing this knowledge. Many also experience a great sense of relief in knowing that they no longer need to keep their true identity a secret.

It is important that you communicate to your parents that you love them, are not trying to hurt them and that, whether you are coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans, you are still the same person that they love. Consider sharing with them your story of coming out to yourself, as well as the resources that you found helpful during this time. This may include books, films, friends, allies, and counselors. Above all, be patient. Recall how long it took for you to come to terms with your new identity and give your parents the time to do the same.

There are many ways you can tell your family:

The most common first step for many LGBTI is to confide in a sibling (if you have one), cousin, uncle or aunt; one who you feel will accept and support you in telling other family members.
When you’re ready to tell your parents, you might want to start with the parent to whom you feel the closest.
Instead of telling them in person, another option is to write your parents a letter. This gives your parents time to reflect on what you have told them and decide how to respond.
When you meet with your parents, either after you’ve sent a letter, or to tell them for the first time, you might want to consider bringing along a supportive friend or family member.

Polari, The Forgotten Gay Language

When homosexuality was illegal up until 1967 the Gay Community had to use own language.

Since LGBTI+ people have recently been able to exist more openly in society without fear of persecution by the state we have been able to talk openly about express our feelings and personalities in public. But this has not always been the case. Homosexuality was driven so far underground in the United Kingdom that many turned to a new, secretive yet expressive form of communication.

Polari first came about in the theatre and the gay subculture in Britain in the 1950s and 1960s, becoming more widely known from its hidden use by camp radio characters in a popular BBC radio show which ran from 1964 to 1969. It grew up primarily to disguise homosexual activity from potentially hostile outsiders (such as undercover policemen), but also because many gay men worked in entertainment (including circuses, hence the many borrowings from Romany in Polari). It was also used extensively in the Merchant Navy, where many gay men joined cruise ships (particularly P&O) as waiters, stewards and entertainers. It was mainly used by camp or effeminate gay men, who tended to come from working class backgrounds. In a sense, they had the least to lose by being “out”.

Polari had begun to fall into disuse by the late 1960s, the popularity of Julian and Sandy ensured that this secret language was public property, and the gay liberationists of the 1970s viewed it as rather degrading, divisive and politically incorrect (a lot of it was used to gossip about or criticise people, as well as discussing sexual exploits). Since the mid-1990s, with the redistribution of tapes and CDs of Round the Horne and increasing academic interest, Polari was undergone a slight revival. It will probably never die out completely, but new words are continually being invented and updated to refer to more recent cultural concepts – for example, the recent term “Madonna claw” means an old withered hand. In 2002 two books on Polari were published, Polari: The Lost Language of Gay Men, and Fantabulosa: A Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang (both by Paul Baker).

Polari Dictionary

ajax = nearby (from adjacent?)
basket = the bulge of male genitals through clothes
batts = shoes
bijou = small
bod = body
bold = daring
bona = good
butch = masculine; masculine lesbian
camp = effeminate (origin: KAMP = Known As Male Prostitute)
capello = hat
carts/cartso = penis
carsey = toilet, also spelt khazi
chicken = younger male
charper = search
charpering omi = policeman
cod = naff, vile
cottage = public loo (particularly with reference to cottaging)
cottaging = having or looking for sex in a cottage
crimper = hairdresser
dish = an attractive male; buttocks
dizzy = scatterbrained
dolly = pretty, nice, pleasant
drag = clothes, esp. women’s clothes
ecaf = face (backslang)
eek = face (abbreviation of ecaf)
ends = hair
esong = nose
fantabulosa = wonderful
feele = child
fruit = queen
gelt = money
glossies = magazines
handbag money
hoofer = dancer
jarry = food, also mangarie
kaffies = trousers
khazi = toilet, also spelt carsey
lallies = legs
latty room, = house or flat
lills = hands
lilly = police (Lilly Law)
luppers = fingers
mangarie = food, also jarry
measures = money
meese = plain, ugly (from Yiddish)
meshigener = nutty, crazy, mental
metzas = money
mince = walk (affectedly)
naff bad, = drab (from Not Available For Fucking)
nanti = not, no
national handbag = dole
nishta = nothing, no
oglefakes = glasses
ogles = eyes
omi = man
omi-polone = effeminate man, or homosexual
onk = nose
orbs = eyes
palare pipe = telephone
palliass = back (as in cpart of body)
park = give
plate = feet; to fellate
polari = chat, talk
polone w= oman
pots = teeth
riah/riha = hair
riah shusher = hairdresser
scarper = to run off (from Italian scappare, to escape)
scotch = leg
sharpy = policeman
shush = steal (from client)
shush = bag holdall
shyker/shyckle = wig
slap = makeup
strillers = piano
thews = thighs
trade = sex
troll = to walk about (esp. looking for trade)
vada/varda = see
willets = breasts

Advice for those Newly Diagnosed with HIV

The impact of an HIV diagnosis can feel overwhelming. Some feel as though their life is ending. Luckily, with advanced therapies, living with HIV isn’t a death sentence like it used to be. In fact, those living with HIV can live relatively normal lives for years and even decades after first becoming infected. In addition, there is a large community of those living with HIV and plenty of available resources to get information, proper care, and support.

Here is some advice for those newly diagnosed with HIV:

First, take a deep breath. Now is the time to reach out for the support of friends, family, your partner, and those around you who care about you.
It’s important to start forming a strong relationship with your primary care doctor. Get all the blood tests and run whatever other tests your physician suggests. Luckily there are anti-viral drugs, known as a cocktail, that can bring your viral load down to undetectable levels.
You may have to change your lifestyle, incorporating more healthful practices such as eating right, getting more sleep, and exercising. Make sure you stick with it. This is your health we are talking about. t give up.
Get informed. There are lots of resources out there, including in your area. It can feel really scary, so get as much information and support as you need. If you are having trouble finding those who understand where you are coming from, find a support group in your area.
Remember that HIV is only an aspect of who you are. Don’t let it define you. Remember to take part in all the other aspects of your life such as your job/career, passions, hobbies, love, life, friendships and more.
HIV may get in the way some times and some people get overwhelmed by the fear and sadness. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve and work through all of the emotions. It really is a life changing event, but if you learn to manage it as just an aspect of your multi-faceted and fulfilling life than it becomes not such a big deal anymore. This isn’t a terminal diagnosis. You don’t have to die of HIV anymore. It takes work and effort. So you have to realize that this is going to change your life in some pretty significant ways.
If you have been rejected by your family, make your own new support group of friends. Support from those who understand and care about you is so important in this trying time. Developing and maintaining a positive attitude is really important.

Life doesn’t end at diagnosis. It’s just the beginning for some tremendous changes in your life. Don’t feel as though this is only an experience for you to learn from. Volunteer in organizations, donate to HIV/AIDS research, go to rallies and inform youth and peers of your struggles and how they can avoid contracting HIV. Remember that you aren’t dying of HIV. You are learning to live with it.

Older Transgender Adults Face Unique Challenges

Current older transgender adults came of age during a time when they would have been even more pathologized and stigmatized than today. So, many did not even come out, instead keeping their identities hidden for decades and many are now coming out and transitioning later in life. While the older transgender population shares some of same obstacles frequent in the broader older LGBTI+ population, there are some differences. Since the older growing transgender population exists, there is a critical need to know the challenges that pose threats to their overall health and well-being.

Our current Aging Services Network is not equipped to provide decent and non-discriminatory services to older adults who are transgender, even though it provides a variety of services for older adults in general such as legal help, educational activities, meals and transportation. Older transgender adults have unique needs, and there are not many providers who offer outreach and training specifically to help the transgender population. As a result, many older transgender adults are not getting needed support, and they’re often hesitant to seek services at all.

Barriers due to a lack of clinical and cultural competence regarding transgender people and their health needs, and discrimination and bias, prevent quality care. This, along with financial barriers, means that many older transgender adults delay or avoid seeking medical care. This specific care is frequently excluded from private and public insurance plans. Declining health is a result of the inability to access important and needed care. Preventative and other medical care older transgender adults need is often denied due to the their exclusion from plans.

Transgender people report higher rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, suicidal ideation, disability and general poor health. As a consequence, many elderly transgender people have severe health concerns as they enter their later years without community and social support that is desperately needed.

Other barriers older transgender people face are in the areas of employment and housing discrimination, violence, privacy, and social support.

Supporting a Partner going through Gender Transition

Gender transition can be equally as stressful on relationships as it can before the individual. Recognizing and caring for the difficulty of this process can help maintain a strong relationship with a partner.

Immediately, understand they are going to feel a lot of stress. They may be questioning their decision, which can bring up issues from the past and other complex identity questions. It’s important for anyone whose partner is going through gender transition to be supportive and to show their support in a way that will help the partner feel soothed and loved.

Before your partner starts hormone replacement therapy, if you so have the option, research what side effects they may encounter. There are some myths even in the transgender community of how taking hormones will affect a person. For instance, some believe that taking testosterone will make one become aggressive or more libidinous. But in fact, they will mostly be the same person. Read up on reliable, medical websites, go to the doctor with your partner, do some deep research in the library and get all the facts. Make sure you know what’s true, and what is just a myth, because misunderstandings can cause communication problems. This is a time when you want to be supportive of your partner, not arguing with them.

Some worry that they won’t be accepted by friends, or the community, or won’t be able to related to self-representations in media because no community, characters or personalities will fit. Instead, make sure that your partner has the opportunity and support to reach out to the people that are closest to them. Invite them over. Have a party. Show support and love. Let them see and feel that it’s not the community they identify with but the people who are closest to them that will really matter, and who will really support them.

Be okay with your partner’s new identity. The transition is not instantaneous or full. But come to be okay with how they will be, intend to be, knowing the essential core components of who they are will always be there. Practice referring to your lover in the pronoun they prefer, and have them say it for themselves as well. Understand their family situation and be sympathetic. Be available to help them with any caregiving they need, including their injections.

If you really love your partner, embrace this phase of their life. Be sure to find out who your supportive people are and take of yourself as well.

Do Gay Men Have Less Stable Relationships?

No one really knows why, but for decades, social studies have hinted that gay men are more promiscuous and less faithful in relationships. Formal studies that have been done to pick apart claims that gay men are less capable of committing to one person however have failed to prove anything. So why are we worried?

The HIV/AIDs epidemic is the major concern. Responsible monogamous couples have very little reason to worry about contracting HIV/AIDs or any other sexually transmitted disease, but young homosexual and bisexual men make up an astoundingly large percentage of new HIV/AIDs diagnoses, and these individuals tend to fall into a “high risk sexual behavior” category also. Although this is hardly proof that gay men are less monogamous, it certainly suggests that they are. There are other reasons to think that promiscuity is a real issue in gay male relationships; past studies that were done on monogamy and relationship security and satisfaction have found that when they compared lesbian, heterosexual, and homosexual relationships women reported feeling more secure and satisfied than men in general. No differences were found to be a result of sexual preference, just gender.

The reality is men usually feel less commitment than women do in relationships, and less satisfied. National surveys that track the prevalence of cheating in married couples have found that, in the U.S. and the U.K., married men are almost twice as likely as married women to have slept with someone other than their spouse. Since most gay couples aren’t married the odds that one of the partners will cheat could be even higher. It’s probably not a terrible thing that gay men are less committed.

Some ultimately suggest that monogamous partnership is unnatural. But, regardless, the contribution that young gay men make to the HIV/AIDs epidemic is something that needs to be taken more seriously. Condom use is not enough. Gay men must take the initiative to know their sexual partners’ history. Like all sexually active people with more than one partner, Gay men should be tested for STDs routinely. Psychologically healthy monogamy may be bogus, but we can’t pretend that having multiple partners is just as safe.

Saying Goodbye To Lesbian Bed Death

Sometimes when a couple has been together for a long time, sex isn’t the main priority for them, or one person in the relationship isn’t as into it. Regarding lesbian relationships, this has been called “Lesbian Bed Death” (LBD).

Just like any other type of couple, a lesbian couple might find that they’re not as passionate as they were when they first met. Even though this a common occurrence for those who’ve been together long-term, it is a hot topic in the LGBTI+ community. This issue can be worked on if both partners in the relationship are willing to give it a shot. Read on for some ideas you can use to spice up your sex life and put LBD behind you.

Reintroduce romance to the relationship
It’s easy enough to take your partner for granted when you’ve been together for awhile. You’re both most likely very busy, juggling work and family life. See what happens when you start to surprise your partner with tickets to a movie they want to see or some flowers. Whatever you know will make them smile.

Spend some time on your own
Have your own life and social circle. Maybe take up a new hobby or join a group with similar interests. A little time away from each other now and then will make you appreciate each other more.

Go ahead and have sex
There’s always an excuse to not have time for something that seems like a luxury. Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship. Make it a priority and set aside time for quick, but passionate lovemaking during a break at work, or go on a mini vacation to a hotel, even near home.

Show affection toward each other
When you’re not being loving and affectionate (touching, cuddling, kissing, etc.), you might as well be housemates. Long-term relationships need love and attention. Remember why you were so excited about your partner in the first place and go from there.

Real Reasons That Gay Parents Are Amazing

Scientific evidence shows that children of gay parents are being raised very well.

The American Academy of Pediatrics announced its approval of same sex marriage and said: “Children thrive in families that are stable and that provide permanent security, and the way we do that is through marriage.”

Benjamin Siegel, who co-authored the policy statement, said in a statement. “The AAP believes there should be equal opportunity for every couple to access the economic stability and federal supports provided to married couples to raise children.” Here are some reasons that gay parents are doing an excellent job:

They intentionally have kids.

The frequent unplanned pregnancies are not in the mix with same-sex couples. It’s not to say that anyone who doesn’t have a child in a planned way is doing a bad job. But, when gay couples plan to have children they tend to be more attentive, passionate and motivated about raising their children.

They care for the neediest children.

Some of the neediest children up for adoption are saved by gay parents who look for them. It has been found that 60 percent of lesbian and gay parents who adopt do so across races. This makes it possible for minority children to get out of the system when it’s often so difficult for them to be wanted by those looking to adopt. Gay parents also go for older children. When kids are older than 3, it is much more difficult for them to be adopted. A majority of those adopted are special needs children.

They encourage tolerance.

Many who were raised by lesbian and gay parents say that they learned empathy and open-mindedness from their parents. They were not taught to stereotype genders and felt that they were more accepting and tolerant of others because of their upbringing.

Their kids do well academically.

A review of research on same-sex parents and their kids from 2010 reported that GPAs were up to par with kids of heterosexual couples. One study showed that boys of lesbian parents had a higher average GPA (2.9) compared to heterosexual parents (2.65). Teen girls of lesbian moms scored (2.8) compared to those with heterosexual parents with an average (2.9) GPA.

They raise confident kids.

Being raised in an environment with gay or lesbian parents can bring about confidence in kids. A study involving lesbian mothers with or without partners who intentionally had kids, not bringing them in to the family from a previous heterosexual relationship, showed that they raised more confident kids than heterosexual parents. This is most likely because of more involvement in their children’s lives.

Harmful Myths About Lesbian Partner Violence

Domestic violence happens in every type of relationship

Crisis line counselors are sometimes warned to be extra vigilant when they screen those seeking safety from domestic violence because, in the case of lesbian relationships, some pretend to be victims in order to be admitted into a shelter to access their partner. Turning a blind eye to domestic violence in lesbian relationships tells abusers they can get away with it…because they do. Here are some myths about same sex partner violence in lesbian relationships that need to come out in the open:

Because there are two women in the partnership they must have equal power.

People have skewed ideas about how different people of one sex can be–women in particular. There are women who are very capable of using incredible strength to cause great physical harm to their partner–biting, punching, kicking…all of it. Homicides and serious injury do occur. Not all women are nurturing. In fact, in a survey that included over 1,100 lesbians, more than half said they were abused by a same sex partner at some point in their life. And, up to 50 percent of lesbians have reported sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse doesn’t exist in lesbian partnerships.

Unfortunately, people tend not to believe that sexual abuse happens in lesbian relationships. When they think of this type of abuse, there is an idea that forced penetration with a penis must be involved. This is completely false. Emotional abuse with coercion and threats often occur in lesbian relationships, which forces one woman to submit. Threatening to “out” a partner is common as is humiliation in general. One woman can very well dominate another in a violent manner and sexually abuse the other, despite common beliefs to the contrary.

Lesbians and heterosexuals are equally as challenged after leaving an abusive relationship.

Although leaving an abusive relationship is difficult for anyone, lesbians face some specific challenges that heterosexuals don’t. Many lesbians do not seek assistance because they fear a homophobic response. Others are ashamed of their own sexuality due to messages they received growing up. Lesbians often don’t feel like they can be themselves much less risk being rejected when they seek help. Sometimes they’re not out to their families and abusers take advantage of this fact to further isolate them, perpetuating dependence.

Butch lesbians are the only ones who are abusive.

A woman doesn’t have to identify as butch or have any typically masculine traits whatsoever to be an abusive person. Not every lesbian relationship is butch/femme. A feminine lesbian who is an abuser can use this false assumption to her advantage. She might threaten to call the police when she’s not the one who is actually the victim. Sadly, law enforcement sometimes falls for this when the partner being blamed looks more masculine.

LGBTI Youth & Sexual Health

The CDC defines sexual health as “…a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality.”

Researchs show that people who identify as LGBTI tend to report lower satisfaction rates in regards to sexual health. In large part this is due to a lack of discussion about LGBTI relationships and sexuality. While many people get such information on dating, relationships, and sexuality during their developmental years from parents, teachers, and other community establishments, LGBTI youth generally get their information online. This can be a great resource, but it can also be full of misleading or inaccurate information.

It is important for LGBTI youth to have access to sexual health resources. A significant factor in establishing sexual health is for both partners to feel safe and satisfied in their relations. Exploring questions pertaining to sexuality and safe practices with adults will help develop self-confidence and eliminate some fears.

Unfortunately, research continues to show that Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual youth are at an increased risk for being victims of violence, bullying, and suicidal thoughts. It is understandable then that youth who live under constant fear and harassment also encounter greater difficulty in maintaining sexual health within their personal relationships.

In addition to discussing such issues individually, communities can support youth by facilitating open discussions and youth organizations. Creating a safe place for youth to explore questions, raise concerns, and meet with people who share similar thoughts and feelings can go a long way in supporting LGBTI sexual health well into adulthood.

Needless to say, having open and honest conversations about sexuality within the LGBTI community is instrumental to achieving sexual health. The first step in achieving sexual health is to discuss concerns with a healthcare practitioner. Research also shows that people LGBTI youth and adults visit healthcare practitioners less frequently – reach out to a professional today and make an appointment.

Seasonal Affective Disorder & The LGBTI Community

For many, lack of light can result in Seasonal Affective Disorder known as SAD a type of depression that is associated with the changing seasons. SAD can make it difficult to weather the winter months, and for those in the LGBTI+ community, SAD can be an especially difficult, possibly compounding problem.

SAD is thought to result from a decrease in exposure to sunlight. This decrease may disrupt your internal clock (i.e., circadian rhythm) and can also lead to a drop in serotonin levels. SAD can manifest in a variety of ways. The most common symptoms include tiredness, lack of energy, irritability, changes in appetite, weight gain, and social withdrawal.

Why should LGBTI+ be concerned about SAD?

According to the American Psychological Association, when compared to their heterosexual counterparts, gay men have “higher rates of recurrent major depression,” and individuals between the ages of 15 to 54 with same-sex partners had “higher rates of anxiety, mood, and substance use disorders and suicidal thoughts.” Because they are susceptible to depression, it is important that those in the LGBT+ population be aware of the effects brought on by SAD because “symptoms of depression may worsen seasonally.”

To combat the effects of SAD, many physicians recommend light therapy, also called phototherapy. During light therapy, the patient sits near a special light therapy box that is designed to mimic natural sunlight exposure. Antidepressant medications and psychotherapy are also often recommended.

Being aware of SAD and not simply dismissing the symptoms as the “winter blues” is the first step toward coping. Those in the LGBTI+ community, as well as others who may be susceptible to or have a history of depression, should be aware of the symptoms and the recommended treatment options.